Precursor

Hello. It’s Brian - I told you I would make a blog, and this is the first post. Yes, I am actually going to live in my car for the next few months, travel the United States writing song, living like a bum eating flies and drinking second-hand water and rattlesnake blood. You may say: "He is foolish." or "He's going to join a pack of wolves and become violent and intelligible." Or. "I am jealous." You're right. I myself am thrilled and overjoyed because I can actually start towards what I'm looking for from life. They say it ends either way.

I want to experience more and become great to myself. So I left my job and my lease and my materials except for my car and my guitar+. The Green Machine and Shira, though depending on the adventure I may rename my car. I wanted to spend time getting down with the fundamentals, what actually exists. Doing this means more to me than having a microwave on deck, throwing burritos in a chamber that makes them too hot to eat immediately and then beeps, living better than a king ever did. 

I am doing this to help push myself towards the only thing I really care about other than not having tapeworms and generally remaining alive: Music. I am and am not made for performance, I am and am not made for expression, I am and am not as practised as I need to be, I am still in great need of polishing and discipline and focus. I do this because the only way to get what you want is to start now and get it. What I am looking to create for myself is actually scary to me. Yep. Sound like you too? Cool. You probably haven't even heard my music/voice/actual effort and style if you're 99.999% of the people I've ever known, but it exists and this is being undertaken to cultivate and share it. Its worth it.

So such begins the adventure. No matter what you do in life, you will meet resistance, you will be dissuaded, you will be misweighed, and all that you have and all that you desire will flicker and waver as though to make sure you actually do want it. If you give up, you never get it. If you take an easier way out, you grow weak in your own way and to yourself you become a hindrance, you remain unmastered, maybe you regret. So I say: struggle for what you want, for you will struggle either way. You will get you what you are looking for in time, or you were doing what you loved while you pursued it and you don't. Who knows. There is only one way to find out, and the journey is the heart of it anyways. But there is something to be said about trying.

Or you can be Buddhist and be completely content with what you have. That's always a solid bet, but I’m going to try that after I'm at least 40 probably, unless I lose my hands in a bearfight sooner. Or maybe I find out this isn't what I want at all. 

Who knows. This is why I wander. Otherwise, I am only words. And if all else fails I had a kickass roadtrip when I was ready for it.

Go forth.