I'm back.
It was more than I could have asked for or imagined and plenty more than I could put into words, without leaving myself unsatisfied and the reality unrepresented.
I want to thank everyone I met for being who they were and showing me kindness and hospitality and sharing stories and listening to mine and my music. Or for being a jerk or nothing at all. You were the substance of a life-changing trip for me as much as, if not more than, the earth water and sky that I found. And, me. Thanks me too. And thanks to whatever guides me and almost killed me to illustrate a point that one time and then we laughed it off. You're cool.
What you fill each day with becomes what you fill your life with.
Thoughts, hopes, dreams. Fears, doubts, voids. Actions, products, rest, failures, successes. TV.
Whether you believe you are guided or not, it comes down to you to do it, to have these - or not.
As a friend of mine said, "god will guide your steps.. but you have to take steps."
Up, down, left or right
Wherever you go you do
Far, near, dark or bright
All roads start with you.
Bye.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Zest!
A list of some of your potential emotional states in each moment
They follow strongly your thoughts
It is now'o'clock
Do you know where your thoughts are?
[Even in the realm of thought do objects in motion remain in motion at the same speed and direction until acted upon by an outside force]
(it could be you)
(But if it isn't, it is surely anything else)
Nice subjective reality where did you get it
click
Friday, December 5, 2014
Death Valley
I live.
Where did I leave off I think I was in San Francisco or something. I left there and drove to Los Angeles and was there for a handful of days.
Wait before I go further Imgur, I realize, no longer allows my pictures to be visible now that I've surpassed 225. I actually surpassed 225 about a month ago so there's a hundred invisibles, anyways, I'm not uploading any more pictures because it'll cost me 25 bucks per year. Don't care. Sorry about that, but i'll carry around my backup and show you the pictures as I make my rounds throughout the south and show off when I return.
Also i'm on my way back. I expect to be home in 2-3 weeks. This coincides with Christmas but I'm not coming home because I want presents - I just wanted to say that
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNWdfo12Mio
Its just music I didn't make it but it makes me want to make music
Los Angeles is huge. I saw the sign, the Griffith observatory was way cooler, didn't see or smell any famous people, did a four hour ghost tour on the Queen Mary, spent Thanksgiving on Venice Beach, chilled on Rincon beach for an earlier afternoon, saw the tar pits, drove past the Scientology building (uhhhhhhhhhhh), got a sweet haircut in a record store, saw the sunset on Sunset Boulevard, I think there was something else, I forget. Oh I saw a transvestite. That was fresh.
Then I drove to Joshua Tree national park.
Then I drove to Death Valley.
A lot happened but I don't have pictures to show right now and everything I could write about those parks would be a lot of 'whoa' and 'wow' and I can't make you feel the land the way the land is to someone who walks it openly and graciously.
It seems to me the harder you grip the wheel and try to get where you're trying to go the less you get out of your trip at all. You don't actually know where you need to go to arrive at the destination you aim for, having accumulated what you need to actually -be- there properly when you finally get there. And then what? What's next?
We just drive really fast trying to get there as though, once we get there, everything will be better. It probably won't.. why would it, you drive the same roads you always have, as fast as you got used to, you stop paying attention to the scenery and the blur becomes the familiar roads, along these familiar roads you take the same turns, the same mistakes, the same mistakes take you to the same comfortable places, you never step out and feel fear, real fear, or doubt, or humility, or shame, or life, to find out what it means and what it does and then chance to take higher action to take you to higher places for yourself.
Moral: I stopped trying to be somewhere else and where I was became the road that took me there.
Go boldly into your unknowns and know that they can help you where you could not help yourself, if you are willing to learn...
Or sail the same waters, catch the same fish.
Farewell, fellow fishermen
Where did I leave off I think I was in San Francisco or something. I left there and drove to Los Angeles and was there for a handful of days.
Wait before I go further Imgur, I realize, no longer allows my pictures to be visible now that I've surpassed 225. I actually surpassed 225 about a month ago so there's a hundred invisibles, anyways, I'm not uploading any more pictures because it'll cost me 25 bucks per year. Don't care. Sorry about that, but i'll carry around my backup and show you the pictures as I make my rounds throughout the south and show off when I return.
Also i'm on my way back. I expect to be home in 2-3 weeks. This coincides with Christmas but I'm not coming home because I want presents - I just wanted to say that
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNWdfo12Mio
Its just music I didn't make it but it makes me want to make music
Los Angeles is huge. I saw the sign, the Griffith observatory was way cooler, didn't see or smell any famous people, did a four hour ghost tour on the Queen Mary, spent Thanksgiving on Venice Beach, chilled on Rincon beach for an earlier afternoon, saw the tar pits, drove past the Scientology building (uhhhhhhhhhhh), got a sweet haircut in a record store, saw the sunset on Sunset Boulevard, I think there was something else, I forget. Oh I saw a transvestite. That was fresh.
Then I drove to Joshua Tree national park.
Then I drove to Death Valley.
A lot happened but I don't have pictures to show right now and everything I could write about those parks would be a lot of 'whoa' and 'wow' and I can't make you feel the land the way the land is to someone who walks it openly and graciously.
It seems to me the harder you grip the wheel and try to get where you're trying to go the less you get out of your trip at all. You don't actually know where you need to go to arrive at the destination you aim for, having accumulated what you need to actually -be- there properly when you finally get there. And then what? What's next?
We just drive really fast trying to get there as though, once we get there, everything will be better. It probably won't.. why would it, you drive the same roads you always have, as fast as you got used to, you stop paying attention to the scenery and the blur becomes the familiar roads, along these familiar roads you take the same turns, the same mistakes, the same mistakes take you to the same comfortable places, you never step out and feel fear, real fear, or doubt, or humility, or shame, or life, to find out what it means and what it does and then chance to take higher action to take you to higher places for yourself.
Moral: I stopped trying to be somewhere else and where I was became the road that took me there.
Go boldly into your unknowns and know that they can help you where you could not help yourself, if you are willing to learn...
Or sail the same waters, catch the same fish.
Farewell, fellow fishermen
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Friday, November 14, 2014
Here.
Pictures
I'm in Crescent City now. I have moved from my favorite state so far, Oregon, and I'm truly better to have met every single one of you that now watch this blog from that state. You just rain too much so I won't be back. Not soon anyways.
California!
Water still runs from all taps. That was a surprise. I don't know what I expected. Tinctures?
I'm going to go write a song in the redwoods. Standing among them makes you realize you are squishy.
I looked up at some yesterday and said "Hey - you're going to outlive me." And then laughed and laughed. I stuck around until dark (5:30pm) and then took a slow night drive through the forest. Made some music that felt like it was suitable for the ground below me.
Time to start phase 2:
Songalong.
Ask me about my Songalong.
No Guarantees.
Onward.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Uno
Here is a song that will be part of the album
I'll post the others soon now
Because love songs are only two of the 9 made so far, the others will be different, livelier, with 24% more parmesean sometimes about politics sometimes about roads sometimes without words
I'll post the others soon now
Because love songs are only two of the 9 made so far, the others will be different, livelier, with 24% more parmesean sometimes about politics sometimes about roads sometimes without words
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Maslow's Summit V.2
I updated this to address some additional thoughts I had.
Hello. Still alive. Doing things that fulfill me more deeply than I could have imagined in millennia. I mean that in all seriousness. Details aren't important because you only use those to avoid the reality for a moment and I'm not going to be your fix today.
Here's some of the most incredible music I've ever heard. Listen to what their consciousness created and perfected. It is the collaboration of centuries of rain, sun, loss, birth, war and peace on the cold plains of a different land (Mongolia). It's OK if you don't like it, I just sent it because I thought it was good.
I challenge you to read the rest of my thoughts today with as much patience as you can. Do it if only because I challenged you. You can alternatively stop right now and your brain will not be charged with any meaningful thought in the next few minutes and you won't be forced to spend any energy wondering about tough questions.
'Vicarious' is a positive connotation on 'without any actual life.' You're going to die right. You deserve to actually enjoy what happens before then. 'Life isn't always fair' is for people who don't know how to utilize what they receive. It's an excuse to let bad things be only bad things. Life is fair for the people who work with life and don't give up until it is taken from them. Then you're dead, and you can relax. You weren't promised anything.
Living vicariously. While you look at people doing things that inspire you and go "Wow I wish I was doing that," you're dying and dancing through the illusion of living. "Well at least they are happy so I can be happy for them," Bullshit. Lead yourself. Try it. Use that part of your mind that executes action and tell it: "I'm going to do this so I can become more useful to myself even though it isn't entirely comfortable and I can't be 100% certain its going to work or be appreciated." And do it. And learn from it. And put it towards the rest of your life. (Like me posting this on my blog. I'm fully aware you don't really like reading this sort of thing but I no longer care for what you want because you clearly don't know what you want. If you had an idea, you would understand what I'm saying and you wouldn't be personally offended that I've told you you don't know what you're doing. Maybe I'm wrong. Keep reading.)
Maybe you think nothing calls you. Or you say you just don't have that passion.
RING RING YA HEAR ME???
You're going to die either way. We. All. Die. Its horrible unless you have lived prior to it. Think that over.
We are not meant to stay fragile and safe and scared and everyone else would love you to realize yourself so we can all thrive from the life it breeds. But life isn't fair and you just aren't made for it? You have too many obligations? It is NOT supposed to be easy. Passion and strength is created along the way, by request and effort and persistence. It's not something you have or don't have. Do you have any idea how weak and weightless I was even two years ago? I am recent in substantial ways. Now I live in my CAR. I brush my teeth with old shoelaces. Not true. But I had the conscious realization that if I were to die tonight, I would be at peace. Because I am alive and useful to myself and my purpose, for the first time in my life. In my CAR.
Life is what you make it. You are not helpless..If you were to open yourself to the possibilities, you would be much more likely to figure out what you are looking for if you do not yet know. Have you tried doing thing you've never done before? Maybe its not traditional for your culture so you hesitate. Or your friends would laugh, they who haven't the slightest idea how to be happy either.
They who help themselves are helped...........
They who stop themselves are stopped.
Listen: If you want a good life you must make it happen for yourself starting now. This isn't something a paycheck can do for you even eventually. Paychecks should not be what you spend your life on. They only make beating around your bush easier. And obligations deeper. If you really, REALLY want something, you would be surprised how far you can simplify your life to be able to focus on it... even if you have children, that which seems to be the permanent death of everyone's dreams. I think that you have a responsibility to them absolutely, but I must ask: Are they the end of you? You answer that question every day when you wake up and decide: I'm going to only maintain our state OR I'm going to make today better for every one of us.
It is INCREDIBLE what you can do if you REALLY want something. The sacrifices you make, the willpower you build, the person you become is all worth standing up and trying to be incredible for yourself and those you love, rather than on-par with all the people around you. Stop looking around. You are only limiting yourself.
You know why I write this? Not because I expect that in doing so everyone who reads this is going to go "Ah! He's Right!" and change their lives overnight. I write because literally: Everyone that hears my story goes "You are doing the right thing." Or "I wish I'd done that." or "My dream was to XYZ but we just never got around to it..."
I write because I may be the only source of uncomfortable thoughts that you expose yourself to and maybe, just maybe, I can plant a seed to grow slowly into something you can use to produce your own genuine happiness someday. Not default happiness, like 'Well I've got everything everybody else does now' - but actual fulfillment in your own mind and soul in your own way. I want you to experience a deep life no matter where you are in it. You are never too late, you just don't know the feeling of personal triumph over your fears that tell you: "I'm too late" yet.
You don't have to become a musician or an interplanetary justice superhero. Just do what moves you and intrigues you and keep moving towards that happiness with an open mind (You don't know what you need to get there, otherwise, you would have it already... hmm?) and keep challenging yourself in your own way. Hell I don't know what you need. But you aren't getting it sitting on your ass avoiding each passing day waiting for .... what? Seriously, what are you waiting on? What are your days passing for? Were you successful yesterday, was it useful to you? I hope so.
You only have so many.
I'm not saying that what you have done up until this point is useless or that you aren't making good decisions, or that you aren't on the right track. But maybe its time you started to put your preparation to use. There is no perfect time. You, by doing it, make it the perfect time. Don't wait until you die to start honoring yourself. You are alive today. That's actually plenty to begin.
Maybe you truly don't care. That's fine too. Your life. I just love you and believe this deeply enough so as to address it. Yes, even you who is reading this that somehow I've never met.
Congratulations. That really weird feeling you hopefully have now, halfway between excited and scared?
That's growth...
It is not always glorious.
- Love,
Fellow Mortal
P.S. NO PICTURES FOR YOU today.
Hello. Still alive. Doing things that fulfill me more deeply than I could have imagined in millennia. I mean that in all seriousness. Details aren't important because you only use those to avoid the reality for a moment and I'm not going to be your fix today.
Here's some of the most incredible music I've ever heard. Listen to what their consciousness created and perfected. It is the collaboration of centuries of rain, sun, loss, birth, war and peace on the cold plains of a different land (Mongolia). It's OK if you don't like it, I just sent it because I thought it was good.
I challenge you to read the rest of my thoughts today with as much patience as you can. Do it if only because I challenged you. You can alternatively stop right now and your brain will not be charged with any meaningful thought in the next few minutes and you won't be forced to spend any energy wondering about tough questions.
'Vicarious' is a positive connotation on 'without any actual life.' You're going to die right. You deserve to actually enjoy what happens before then. 'Life isn't always fair' is for people who don't know how to utilize what they receive. It's an excuse to let bad things be only bad things. Life is fair for the people who work with life and don't give up until it is taken from them. Then you're dead, and you can relax. You weren't promised anything.
Living vicariously. While you look at people doing things that inspire you and go "Wow I wish I was doing that," you're dying and dancing through the illusion of living. "Well at least they are happy so I can be happy for them," Bullshit. Lead yourself. Try it. Use that part of your mind that executes action and tell it: "I'm going to do this so I can become more useful to myself even though it isn't entirely comfortable and I can't be 100% certain its going to work or be appreciated." And do it. And learn from it. And put it towards the rest of your life. (Like me posting this on my blog. I'm fully aware you don't really like reading this sort of thing but I no longer care for what you want because you clearly don't know what you want. If you had an idea, you would understand what I'm saying and you wouldn't be personally offended that I've told you you don't know what you're doing. Maybe I'm wrong. Keep reading.)
Maybe you think nothing calls you. Or you say you just don't have that passion.
RING RING YA HEAR ME???
You're going to die either way. We. All. Die. Its horrible unless you have lived prior to it. Think that over.
We are not meant to stay fragile and safe and scared and everyone else would love you to realize yourself so we can all thrive from the life it breeds. But life isn't fair and you just aren't made for it? You have too many obligations? It is NOT supposed to be easy. Passion and strength is created along the way, by request and effort and persistence. It's not something you have or don't have. Do you have any idea how weak and weightless I was even two years ago? I am recent in substantial ways. Now I live in my CAR. I brush my teeth with old shoelaces. Not true. But I had the conscious realization that if I were to die tonight, I would be at peace. Because I am alive and useful to myself and my purpose, for the first time in my life. In my CAR.
Life is what you make it. You are not helpless..If you were to open yourself to the possibilities, you would be much more likely to figure out what you are looking for if you do not yet know. Have you tried doing thing you've never done before? Maybe its not traditional for your culture so you hesitate. Or your friends would laugh, they who haven't the slightest idea how to be happy either.
They who help themselves are helped...........
They who stop themselves are stopped.
Listen: If you want a good life you must make it happen for yourself starting now. This isn't something a paycheck can do for you even eventually. Paychecks should not be what you spend your life on. They only make beating around your bush easier. And obligations deeper. If you really, REALLY want something, you would be surprised how far you can simplify your life to be able to focus on it... even if you have children, that which seems to be the permanent death of everyone's dreams. I think that you have a responsibility to them absolutely, but I must ask: Are they the end of you? You answer that question every day when you wake up and decide: I'm going to only maintain our state OR I'm going to make today better for every one of us.
It is INCREDIBLE what you can do if you REALLY want something. The sacrifices you make, the willpower you build, the person you become is all worth standing up and trying to be incredible for yourself and those you love, rather than on-par with all the people around you. Stop looking around. You are only limiting yourself.
You know why I write this? Not because I expect that in doing so everyone who reads this is going to go "Ah! He's Right!" and change their lives overnight. I write because literally: Everyone that hears my story goes "You are doing the right thing." Or "I wish I'd done that." or "My dream was to XYZ but we just never got around to it..."
I write because I may be the only source of uncomfortable thoughts that you expose yourself to and maybe, just maybe, I can plant a seed to grow slowly into something you can use to produce your own genuine happiness someday. Not default happiness, like 'Well I've got everything everybody else does now' - but actual fulfillment in your own mind and soul in your own way. I want you to experience a deep life no matter where you are in it. You are never too late, you just don't know the feeling of personal triumph over your fears that tell you: "I'm too late" yet.
You don't have to become a musician or an interplanetary justice superhero. Just do what moves you and intrigues you and keep moving towards that happiness with an open mind (You don't know what you need to get there, otherwise, you would have it already... hmm?) and keep challenging yourself in your own way. Hell I don't know what you need. But you aren't getting it sitting on your ass avoiding each passing day waiting for .... what? Seriously, what are you waiting on? What are your days passing for? Were you successful yesterday, was it useful to you? I hope so.
You only have so many.
I'm not saying that what you have done up until this point is useless or that you aren't making good decisions, or that you aren't on the right track. But maybe its time you started to put your preparation to use. There is no perfect time. You, by doing it, make it the perfect time. Don't wait until you die to start honoring yourself. You are alive today. That's actually plenty to begin.
Maybe you truly don't care. That's fine too. Your life. I just love you and believe this deeply enough so as to address it. Yes, even you who is reading this that somehow I've never met.
Congratulations. That really weird feeling you hopefully have now, halfway between excited and scared?
That's growth...
It is not always glorious.
- Love,
Fellow Mortal
P.S. NO PICTURES FOR YOU today.
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